Welcome to Fox, a note from Zorro Reynard, CEO of Fox
As you read this brief note, dear employee, rest assured I am nowhere in your vicinity. I did not craft this note as a mere blind to distract you from some prank or practical joke I am setting up against you. You read this of your own volition, as you are truly a master of what happens to you, a captain of your dignity and fate. Rest assured, everything is in its right place. Your stapler to your right is full of staples. Your phone to your left has not rang all morning. Your coffee cup, almost empty now, was so when last you set it down—wasn’t it? Or did you top off at the pantry down the hall not five minutes ago?
Welcome to Fox, where nothing is quite as it seems. To answer your queries as to the missing coffee, refer to page 19 of your orientation booklet, a table of department dependencies and rankings. In the top left corner of the table, you will find the Fox Guild, a department from which no one is completely safe. I oversaw its creation last year to counter over-productivity and over-achievement around the company. It is responsible for all the mischief that happens on the lot. Accordingly, you will find yourself sitting in your missing coffee. A pair of gnomes poured it into your seat as you stood up to synchronize your wristwatch with the office clock a moment ago. If you could only see the look on your face now. It is on page 24 of the orientation booklet, the reflective sheet captioned “Monkey”.
SVP of the Fox Guild Peter Puck oversees all shenanigans and directs his teams of pixies, elves, laughing crows, talking appliances, terra cotta golems, Faustian demon-servants, walking brooms, and lascivious satyrs on their daily rounds wherever other departments are trying to get work done. He is a hands-on executive, often tying shoelaces together himself to get a job delayed. You may chance someday to see him, but by then you may have already crossed over into the world of Sylmaria, and will be trapped there forever (especially if you accepted the free truffles offered at the orientation meeting).
On that note, I should mention that trying to find the Fox Guild is a perilous task, fraught with labyrinthine hikes through miles of empty office space, encounters with riddler sphinxes and other dangerous delays, and, inevitably, a topsy-turvey sea voyage that ends by descending into a whirlpool. So bring a lifejacket, a change of clothes, plus a sandwich or two.
I’m sure we will have rolicking good times in the months to come.
Yours truly,
Zorro Reynard
PS: Though we’re always watching, it sometimes escapes our notice when someone needs to come down a peg. Think of the old well by the back of the lot as a Suggestion Box ($1 minimum deposit).
PPS: That person might end up being you.
PPPS: Your car is currently sinking off the coast of Aruba.
