“Put aside childish things” means “Quit buying crap you don’t need”
There is no reason for anyone to have any of the following in this economy (going from low- to high-income splurges):
- Lotto tickets: you ain’t gonna win.
- fake jewelry: you’re saving money on looking really stupid
- $200 sneakers: don’t buy shoes endorsed by a celebrity who will never possibly find that you exist
- Billy Mays products: you can bedazzle your oxiclean, but you’re still out $50 (plus S&H)
- cat food: cat will catch mice if it’s hungry, which will also reduce expenses on mouse-gun ammunition
- dog food: dog will settle for scraps or cats
- health insurance: you wimp
- Skymall products: the floor-to-bed pet stairs, and especially the LOTR stuff
- Hypnotiq: find a girl who can drink straight grain alcohol
- Jägermeister: overpriced Fernet-Branca, and that’s saying a lot
- World of Warcraft subscriptions: go to a courthouse and meet real people for free
- coffee table books: glossy, pretentious, useless. Leave out a Norton Anthology instead
- 2nd Russian Bride: good for about a week before 1st one kills it; impractical without a 2nd residence (then just immoral)
- real jewelry: haven’t you seen Blood Diamond? or read “The Diamond Necklace?” by Maupassant?
- Underarmour: work out harder in cotton or wool
- memorabilia: Additionally, I probably hate what you want to remember
- haute couture (on ugly people): either look normal or great, don’t fail on both accounts at the same time
- Brookstone appliances: usually you’re not utilizing it right, nor should you be
- Corvettes: crap sports cars. Buy a Mazda or a Viper
- plastic surgery (except face transplants): things are scary enough lately
- bespoke Bentleys: I don’t know if these are real
- private jets (esp. if you’re John Thaine): the seat of shame at 30,000 feet
- Senatorship: unless two words, and featuring a giant hovering laser
